Adultery

I think that often times the fear of getting caught is more exciting to some people than the physical act of adultery.

I believe that I may have fallen into that classification myself. I didn't go looking for an affair, but the lack of intimacy at home weakened me to a state where I couldn't refuse. I take full responsibility for my own actions, but I also know that infidelity requires three people. And I don't mean in a fantasy satisfying menage a trois type of way.

I was seduced by a young lady that wanted to be with me regardless of my marital status. I guess she saw something in me that my spouse did not. 

At the risk of sounding like a trashy romance novel, what we experienced for over a year was a steamy, passionate affair. I had gotten to a point where I saw more of a future with the mistress than with the misses and I was looking forward to a time that it may happen permanently. 

I had been with the wife since high school and I was ignorant of any other serious relationships. A cowards way I know, but I was not willing to break the heart of someone that I had been with and in love with for so long. I was secretly wishing she would leave me.

Then something happened. I don't know if it was a sense of a renewed libido, or the I don't care air about me that I adopted, but desire re-entered my home. It was like when we were dating. Two animals ravaging each other at every opportunity. It didn't happen all at once, but it built up into something I needed all along.

The affair continued up until learning that my spouse was pregnant and I became a born again monogamist by making a decision to dedicate my life to her and the baby. It dawned on me some time later that her renewed interest in me was probably solely based on her desire to reproduce.

In the opening line I mentioned the risk of discovery was more exciting than the actual sex. I was able to confirm this in my own mind and through a little self reflection found it to be true for me.

There finally came a time, long after it was over and I changed, when my bride found out by my unfaithfulness. The marriage was lost forever and the divorce ensued. 

I worked with the mistress, so even after we were through with our physical relationship, we remained friends and talked daily. As soon as she found out that my marriage was all but over, we attempted to rekindle what we had shared so many years before. We met up and were intimate, for the last time.

Thankfully the guilt was gone, but the spark was gone too. I had no desire to be with her and did not wish to continue any type of relationship. She was upset with me for this and subsequently moved several states away. We never spoke again.
The lustful passion and the desire to be with her in more than a physical way had disappeared even though the sex was still phenomenal.

On a side note, I broke three hearts with that whole ordeal and it definitely wasn't worth it. It was one of the worst things I did in my life, however, I would have never found the woman of my dreams and current wife without it.